Seasons of life come and go, and is it not a mystery how much we change through different seasons of life? Yet of One thing I am certain, our Heavenly Father does Not change! His faithfulness in meeting us in our deepest need, is such a gift.
Sometimes, God feels far away, but He is not the one that moved, I moved away.
Why did I move away?
Things got difficult, it all seemed too much for my feeble being.
I fixed my eyes on me and how hard this was.
Anxiety set in.
I felt numb.
Triggers and flashbacks were also present in vast number.
My time of prayer was a misery because I was angry at God for giving me this trial it was just too much to bear.
In fact, I could not pray at all. Words just failed me.
I could feel the distance between God and I growing larger.
Yet even when it felt most difficult to lay myself on the altar in complete surrender, God gave me the strength to do it, and as I surrendered myself, I asked God to give me words to pray when I had none. And in a corporate time of worship, He gave me these words from the familiar hymn of
‘Sitting at the Feet of Jesus’.
Bless me, O my Savior, bless me,
As *I sit low at Thy feet;
Oh, look down in love upon me,
Let me see Thy face so sweet;
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus,
Keep me holy as He is;
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus,
Who is all my righteousness
The words, “Give me Lord the mind of Jesus” spoke deeply to my heart, because that was my heart’s desire, even though the thoughts in my mind in the past were not those of Jesus. To love like Jesus, to walk in boldness and humility doing the Father’s work, in complete peace and assurance that the Father will provide for every need, because with Him ALL things are possible!
“Keep me holy as He is” What a prayer of surrender, and in surrender we are as mere clay in the Father’s hand and He can use us! It’s laying our all on the altar and saying, “God here I am, use me, mold me and shape me into a vessel for You!”
“May I prove I’ve been with Jesus,
Who is all my righteousness” Could it be possible that in the hardest seasons of life, that’s when there can be the greatest possibility of seeing that a person has been with Jesus? When you are being molded and shaped it’s a difficult season but oh the Joy, of walking with our Father, united in Him and walking in holiness.
More like You Lord, that is my prayer. Take me deeper, that I may walk close to Thee. Mold me, shape me, use me as Thou desires. May it be Thy likeness and love that they see!