“What I didn’t know”

Journey, , , , , , , ,

They say, “you don’t know what you don’t know”. I can testify to that being
true but also that “once you do know you cannot easily unknow” to be very true
indeed as well.

In this journey of healing, I am learning I am a survivor of various forms of abuse. 

Did I just say that?

Yes, indeed I did because for me it is true even if I wish it were not. I cringe sometimes saying “a survivor of abuse” but it all because of JESUS that I am a survivor. He is the ONE who gave me life!

I have learned a lot in my healing journey.

There are specific things that I had no idea would be a part of the journey.
I, however, do know now, as each one made an entrance so boldly, that it is
indeed etched in my memory and not quick to be forgotten.  

This list is not an all-inclusive list but merely what I do now know.

I did not know that a scent or sound can instantly transport me back to a
place that my brain doesn’t want to go because it’s an unprocessed memory aka
trauma. It happens in the most unlikely of places and in the most inopportune
of times, like grocery stores, crowds, and the list goes on. And friends, we
call that a trigger moment and I, for one, do not go around looking for those.
I remember one time going into a therapy/ counseling session and it had been a particularly
rough week and I wearily bemoaned to my counselor how I was so tired of trigger
moments, she graciously instructed me to think of it as a highlight of a place
that needs healing.  I still dislike trigger moments but my mindset shifted regarding them.

I didn’t know that there was a name for the intense tug of war game going on
inside my head and brain, especially after a trigger moment. It greatly
resembled a fierce game of seeing who can yell the loudest. You know, squeaky
wheel gets the oil type of thing, I now know it to be internal conflict and it
is a very real thing. What a relief to know I was not as crazy as I thought,
this is “normal trauma processing” in a fight/fright/freeze mode, which happens during
a trigger moment.

I did not know body memory was a thing, just thought I must be imagining
things. The truth is body memory is very real, and your body truly does remember,
and it will not lie to you. Cognitive memory is one thing, but body memory is
truly remarkable. To have your body ache with pain and not have any clue why is
truly a unique feeling and one I do not wish on anyone. 

I did not know that the Healing journey was such an emotional roller coaster.
It is so exhausting, and you can be fine one minute and the next you may not
be. But one thing is for sure, Jesus can and does walk with you each step,
giving grace and strength to your weary mind and body.

I did not know that something that was distorted and misconstrued could be wholly
redeemed. That’s the GOD we serve! To watch HIM gather up broken pieces and
heal right before my very eyes, is the most amazing thing. What a Gracious God
we serve! He is our Healer and our Provider!    

I did not know that safety played such a major role in the healing journey.
Truly, it was a life changing moment for me, the very first time I felt 100%
Safe! It happened just a few years ago and I will never forget that moment. To feel
and be safe all in one moment was so overwhelmingly powerful and healing for my
body, soul and spirit.

Like I mentioned earlier, this list could go on and on, but I hope this can
shed some light on the journey. Be gracious and kind to yourself if you find
yourself on a healing journey.

To be whole is to be more like Jesus!

Walk with Him, 

They say, “you don’t know what you don’t know”. I can testify to that being true but also that “once you do know you cannot easily unknow” to be very true indeed as well.

In this journey of healing from multiple forms of abuse.

Did I just say that?

Yes, indeed I did.

Does it make you a little uncomfortable?  It is okay if it does, the reality is a harsh one, and the effects are too numerous for words currently.

I have learned a lot in my healing journey.

There are specific things that I had no idea would be a part of the journey. I, however, do know now, as each one made an entrance so boldly, that it is indeed etched in my memory and not quick to be forgotten.  

This list is not an all-inclusive list but merely what I do now know.

I did not know that a scent or sound can instantly transport me back to a place that my brain doesn’t want to go because it’s an unprocessed memory aka trauma. It happens in the most unlikely of places and in the most inopportune of times, like grocery stores, crowds, and the list goes on. And friends, we call that a trigger moment and I, for one, do not go around looking for those. I remember one time going into a therapy/ counseling session and it had been a particularly rough week and I wearily bemoaned to my counselor how I was so tired of trigger moments, she graciously instructed me to think of it as a highlight of a place that needs healing.  I still dislike trigger moments but my mindset shifted regarding them.

I didn’t know that there was a name for the intense tug of war game going on inside my head and brain, especially after a trigger moment. It greatly resembled a fierce game of seeing who can yell the loudest. You know squeaky wheel gets the oil type of thing, I now know it to be internal conflict and it is a very real thing. What a relief to know I was not as crazy as I thought, this is “normal processing” in a fight/fright/freeze mode, which happens during a trigger moment.

I did not know body memory was a thing, just thought I must be imagining things. Turns out body memory is very real, and your body truly does remember, and it will not lie to you. Cognitive memory is one thing, but body memory is truly remarkable. To have your body ache with pain and not have any clue why is truly a unique feeling and one I do not wish on anyone.

I did not know that the Healing journey was such an emotional roller coaster. It is so exhausting, and you can be fine one minute and the next you may not be. But one thing is for sure, Jesus can and does walk with you each step, giving grace and strength to your weary mind and body.

I did not know that something that was distorted and misconstrued could be wholly redeemed. That’s the GOD we serve! To watch HIM gather up broken pieces and heal right before my very eyes, is the most amazing thing. What a Gracious God we serve! He is our Healer and our Provider!    

I did not know that safety played such a major role in the healing journey. Truly, it was a life changing moment for me, the very first time I felt 100% Safe! It happened just a few years ago and I will never forget that moment. To feel and be safe all in one moment was so overwhelmingly powerful and healing for my body, soul and spirit.

Like I mentioned earlier, this list could go on and on, but I hope this can shed some light on the journey. Be gracious and kind to yourself if you find yourself on a healing journey.

To be whole is to be more like Jesus!

Walk with Him,

V

A Note on Trauma

Healing, Journey, , , , , , , ,
What is Trauma?

I have been a part of multiple conversations in the recent past that have been stark reminders of lack of awareness of how the things of life may affect any individual in any given circumstance.

To sum up the conversations, would be to say there are:

* Multiple views on trauma.

* Numerous opinions on what trauma is.

* Countless arguments why trauma exists or why it does Not exist.

Do you get the point?

There are countless explanations why people say that it exists or doesn’t, not to mention the thought that trauma is merely an excuse to stay in our pain.

Ouch!

That last one stings deeply for some of us and perhaps more mildly for others.

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of what trauma is and why it exists. Would you just hear me out on what I think is one of the best explanations of the T word, I have heard to date through my own personal journey of healing?

I don’t believe this to be new information for some of you and for those of you that it is new, may it begin to spark awareness to the effects of and then also the process of healing.

Trauma is when an event takes place in an individual’s life that is so overwhelming that the individual feels alone and overwhelmed with emotion and believes he doesn’t have the resources to handle what is taking place.

Now. Let me note this.

This tends to be more prevalent in young children, but adults are not exempt.

Yes. That’s it.

That’s how trauma happens/can happen.

And.

It. Is. Very. Real.

And hard.

And agonizing

And very wearing.

But. Then there’s healing.

Yes. Healing.

Which is allowing someone to sit with you to undo the aloneness so you can heal.

That also.

Is very real.

Very difficult

Extremely agonizing.

But also healing and freeing.

There are days I wish I could say I don’t know much of anything about it but I can Not be silent with what I do know.

Why is that you may ask?

In my own journey the silence only hurt me further, in fact silence only enabled people to continue causing tremendous levels of pain. Silence too can be traumatizing.

Yes. It’s true. Silence is seldom golden.

I do recognize there’s a time to be silent, the Bible even says so, but may we always be in alignment with the Lord on what we are silent about.

May I encourage you to educate yourself if you, yourself are on a journey to heal from trauma or if you find yourself in a place of being a support person a friend on their journey of healing.

Awareness/education and allowing the Lord to lead you, is absolute key, in walking with someone even if it’s vast unfamiliar territory to you.

You can’t heal anyone. Only God can do that! But He can and does use His children to be vessels if we are willing.

Once we have been the recipient of a grace that meets our vulnerability, we want to show the same kind of grace to others. This is what empathy does, it extends grace to others in order to create authentic connection. ~Hinman & Warner

Until the next inspiration.

~V

Healing Care

Journey

I hear self care getting a fair bit of discussion these days.

It’s selfish.

It’s frivolous.

It’s a waste of time.

It’s a waste of money.

I get it.

It can and does look selfish in some instances.

However, who are we to judge what another does to take some time to themselves?

Self care.

Gasp.

Yes, I said it.

Self care is not wrong.

Gasp. Gasp.

Yes I said that too.

Have you walked a mile in the others shoes to know that the time they take to refresh themselves, is selfish?

What is selfish?

How could it be selfish?

And why do you perceive it to be selfish?

Is it selfish or are you jealous?

Gasp.

Yes. I said that too.

Remember basic needs, like food, hygiene, clothing, and shelter are important not selfish! You need those. Your brain and body need those.

Yes! There are actual things you need! Actual things your body needs to survive.

Don’t neglect it or you will regret it.

I honestly knew nothing about self care.

Nothing.

In fact.

Most of what I learned in taking care of myself was only learned in the past number of years.

I didn’t even know how to identify my own needs.

Yes. You read that correctly.

So if the term self care bothers you, how about we call it healing care instead?

If someone is sick.

We would expect them to take time to heal.

Right?

How about if someone is healing emotionally?

Could we give them time, grace and space to heal?

If the answer is no, then, why not?

Healing takes time. Both physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Basic needs of life are NOT selfish.

Let’s be wise in identifying what we label as selfish.

Caring for yourself can be/is healing.

Always Prioritize your basic needs!

If you neglect you will regret!

Until next time

~Vinny

Hem of His Garment

Journey,

I wonder what it felt like that day for the woman with the issue of blood, after 12 long years, having spent all her money and still she was not healed?

Did she almost stay home that day or had she heard about Jesus healing the sick?

How much courage did it take to touch the hem of Jesus’ Garment?

 And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone. She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased.  And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”           ~Luke 8:43-49

Today this passage of scripture struck my heart and spirit in a different way then ever before as I listened to the song ‘Hem of His Garment’

I was the woman with the infirmity of an issue of blood. Thankfully it was not a physical wound of me losing blood, but my heart was wounded, I was hurt. My spirit was wounded. I carried the scars of horrible things that were done to me. Scars of rape that left my heart and spirit reeling from the pain for 20 years, abuse that makes me cringe to think of how I could have possibly survived the effects of it.

For years I was silent, believing I was the one who caused the pain, it’s crazy how the enemy and culture will do that to a person. Then one day I spoke, I remember it clearly as I said “Abused”. Something about that word, made me shiver to the very core. It was as if I was speaking of my identity and speaking that very word was opening the door to a thousand truckloads of wounds.

I identified as abused, worthless, wretched, etc. The astonishing thing is that I didn’t even know I identified that way and I was suffering from it.

How many of us are carrying infirmities/hardships that may not be as evident as this woman with the issue of blood, but they are very real to us as a person?

What is it about the infirmity/hardship that we carry that we wish to keep silent? Is it the shame we know is sure to be heaped on us by the first judgmental person that comes along.  Is it the fear of what people will think of us if they know what has happened? Perhaps we know once start, things will just keep coming that we need healing from.

I am thinking the woman with the issue of blood dealt with the same thoughts in her heart and mind

I get it. I dealt with all of these and hundreds more. It’s a battle of the mind and a heart that was wounded. It’s a hard place to be.

I am thinking the woman with the issue of blood dealt with the same thoughts in her heart and mind. She was wounded. She couldn’t get away from it, her infirmity very evident. I am certain people talked about her, saying all sorts of horrible things about her. And I am guessing that fear kept her away from people quite often. She likely had a very lonely, sad and painful life.

But Jesus!

He did NOT turn her away! In fact, that one touch of His garment healed her completely! That took incredible faith to touch His garment.

And then my favorite part!

Jesus spoke to her!

 “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”     

What does Jesus want to speak to you? What does He want to say to you personally?

Would you dare to draw close to Him?

Did you know that EVERY SINGLE hard thing that you as a person have gone through, Jesus was there! He was! If you can’t see Him, because often the painful circumstance has all our focus, ask Jesus to show you where He was during that painful circumstance!

Jesus, I thank you! You are always faithful and true.

Choose Jesus,

~Vinny

     

“It’s okay”

Freedom, Healing, Journey, Protection, redemption, Rest, restoration

If today looks nothing like you had imagined

If today goes way different then you thought

If your plans get shattered in a million pieces

If there’s empty places at the table today.

If your emotions are all over the place

If you can’t answer one more question

I want you to know.

It’s okay to stop and take some deep breaths.

It’s okay to take a moment and just rest

It’s okay to grieve what should have been

It’s okay to grieve what could have been

It’s okay to grieve the losses that are big

It’s okay to grieve the possibilities of what if

It’s okay. Again I tell you. It’s okay.

It’s okay to acknowledge you’re not okay.

It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling

It’s okay to give yourself grace for the moment

It’s okay to take a moment and weep if needed

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.

Grief is crazy odd, showing up

At the most in opportune time possible.

It manifests itself in unique ways.

It’s okay to grieve. It takes time and space.

It’s okay to acknowledge that not every time and space is safe to grieve. It’s okay.

It’s okay to acknowledge you don’t

Always want it to be this way.

Acknowledge that as you heal

The journey will be hard and long.

But remember you Are Not alone.

It’s okay to wonder where God is.

But also know He is always with you.

It’s okay this Thanksgiving Day

To grieve the “could and should have”s

It’s okay to acknowledge those things.

But also remember you are Loved.

You are treasured and always will be.

By the Almighty God in Heaven

The One who knew you before time began.

It’s okay to not always be okay.

Grieving is hard, emotionally draining work

And you are Not alone on this journey

Lift your head and eyes toward heaven.

I wonder if you would allow yourself

To bask in the Goodness of God

For even just a moment or two.

He’s good. So so very good, He is.

He’s so kind. So gracious and loving.

He understands and He cares.

Even if it doesn’t feel that way.

He grieves with you and if you ask Him,

I know He will hold you close.

It’s Okay. Because God is our Healer.

“ I wonder…”

Freedom, Healing, Journey, Protection, redemption, Rest

I wonder sometimes what it would be like if things would have been different, If life would have been more “normal” for me?

What would it be like to live without the effects of abuse for me as a person?
What would it be like to not have stare complex trauma in the face on an almost daily basis?
How would it be to not be triggered on a constant basis?
What would life be like?
What would I be like?
How much different would I be?

Abuse does weird stuff to a person. It messes with the inner part of us. It shatters the heart. It destroys trust and it seems like you are staring death directly in the face. It’s a cruel thing.

These questions and thoughts run through my mind often.
What if?
Why?
Why God?
How could you allow such suffering?
If you are a good God, why do you allow such awful things to happen to your children?

And so again I wrestle.
And still I question.

But of one thing I am sure. In our suffering, God desires for us to give Him our heartache, our shame and our pain.
He is present. During our suffering, in our suffering and while we heal. He, the God our Healer is present and for that I am Grateful ♥️

I wonder if in our suffering God draws closer, in fact so close that if we would we ask Him where He is, He would reveal He is holding us close to Him, weeping with us in our pain.

Still I am grateful that He is present, especially in our suffering. What an amazing God!

“Sitting at the Feet of Jesus”

Journey

Seasons of life come and go, and is it not a mystery how much we change through different seasons of life? Yet of One thing I am certain, our Heavenly Father does Not change! His faithfulness in meeting us in our deepest need, is such a gift.

Sometimes, God feels far away, but He is not the one that moved, I moved away.

Why did I move away?

Things got difficult, it all seemed too much for my feeble being.

I fixed my eyes on me and how hard this was.

Anxiety set in.

I felt numb.

Triggers and flashbacks were also present in vast number.

My time of prayer was a misery because I was angry at God for giving me this trial it was just too much to bear.

In fact, I could not pray at all. Words just failed me.

I could feel the distance between God and I growing larger.

Yet even when it felt most difficult to lay myself on the altar in complete surrender, God gave me the strength to do it, and as I surrendered myself, I asked God to give me words to pray when I had none. And in a corporate time of worship, He gave me these words from the familiar hymn of

‘Sitting at the Feet of Jesus’.

Bless me, O my Savior, bless me,
As *I sit low at Thy feet;
Oh, look down in love upon me,
Let me see Thy face so sweet;
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus,
Keep me holy as He is;
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus,
Who is all my righteousness

The words, “Give me Lord the mind of Jesus” spoke deeply to my heart, because that was my heart’s desire, even though the thoughts in my mind in the past were not those of Jesus. To love like Jesus, to walk in boldness and humility doing the Father’s work, in complete peace and assurance that the Father will provide for every need, because with Him ALL things are possible!

“Keep me holy as He is” What a prayer of surrender, and in surrender we are as mere clay in the Father’s hand and He can use us! It’s laying our all on the altar and saying, “God here I am, use me, mold me and shape me into a vessel for You!”

“May I prove I’ve been with Jesus,
Who is all my righteousness” Could it be possible that in the hardest seasons of life, that’s when there can be the greatest possibility of seeing that a person has been with Jesus? When you are being molded and shaped it’s a difficult season but oh the Joy, of walking with our Father, united in Him and walking in holiness.

More like You Lord, that is my prayer. Take me deeper, that I may walk close to Thee. Mold me, shape me, use me as Thou desires. May it be Thy likeness and love that they see!

It’s Been 10 years..

Journey, , , ,

It has been 10 years and I will always remember that day. The morning when I stepped out the door. It was like stepping across the threshold to a life I had never expected to be a part of. It was the day I took a step, in desperation to find something I knew to be there but having no idea what it was or how I would find it. Think of it as, going on a journey with no map or directions.

It was the day I had spent close to a year preparing for. The day I would leave the Amish.

In the early morning stillness, I packed the last of my belongings in a trash bag, slung it over my shoulder, took one last look around the room, took a very deep breath and stepped out the door. I was no longer the Amish girl, that everyone knew. I was about to embark on the craziest of journeys that I had ever been on. I was leaving and I was not going to look back, nor would I go back.

I remember. The desperation. The anxiety. The questions. I was so desperate. If this didn’t work, I was done. It was going to be over. I won’t ever forget that desperation. The lumps in my throat. The “what ifs” that constantly plagued me. The constant questioning if this would even work. What would I do, if it did not work?

I didn’t have a backup plan that was a good one even if I did not recognize that fact at the time. I was just desperate to find what I thought to be there, but how would I find it? And where would I go?

I will not ever forget the loneliness that ensued me after that eventful day. The rejection. The difficulties. The fear of the unknown. The mountain of questions. The endless pain in my heart. The condemnation that plagued me constantly.

It was a scary time. it was a difficult journey. What kept me going was, my vow to myself “I will not fail at this.” I did not know how to pray; I just knew there was a God in heaven, and He surely would help me. I believed He would.

He did help me. He sustained me. He upheld me with His righteous Hand. He protected me. He is the reason I am still alive today to proclaim of His goodness and faithfulness!

I remember that cardboard box that served as a nightstand beside the worn-out mattress I called my bed. I remember going to bed and wondering if I would get any where in life, yet I was determined to not give up.

I remember wondering if I would ever belong anywhere. Would there ever be peace in my heart to replace the anxiety that was deeply rooted there? Would I ever really be glad for the step I took? Was it worth it to sacrifice so much to pursue something I knew to be there, but had no idea how to attain?

It has been 10 years. I, myself, can hardly fathom it has been that long, but I look back over the years and the Faithfulness of My Heavenly Father is etched and woven through every tiny detail of the journey.

What I was looking for, God has allowed me to experience. It was the joy and freedom I saw present in others, but seriously doubted it could ever be present in my own life.

This is not a “follow your heart” claim. Our hearts are dreadfully wicked without the Lord cleansing us, purifying us and making us whole. But it is a humble prayer of “Lord, I can’t but I know You can, please help me and lead me, I surrender to You”

I learned so many things.

I learned that God can be trusted. He is just as Good as His word says He is! He will always help us the Way He knows we need help, not just how we want Him to help us. He is faithful. He is kind. He is just. He is loving. He will heal the pain and hurt in our hearts.

He is the author of every testimony. He is the best writer and orchestrator of our lives. He will not fail. He is faithful. He is always good!

And remember. “The Only Big, is God”

In Honor of Father’s Day

Freedom, Healing, Journey, Love, Peace, Protection, redemption, Rest, restoration

I have sat down numerous times in years past, intending to transcribe my thoughts on fathers and Father’s Day, as it is one that is very close to my heart and seems almost to sacred for me to share my heart on.

Why? Maybe it could be because, this will not be your normal Father’s Day post as you will, that you generally see at this season but it’s what the Lord is giving so I want to be faithful and share what He gives.

The term father, what does it mean? Protector, advocate, provider, leader, strong, courageous are a few that come to mind. These are mere words I know, but they describe our Heavenly Father so well. Along with words like omnipotent, amazing, loving, holy, understanding, and this list scarcely scratches the surface when it comes to describing our amazing God.

Truly we have a gift, a tremendous gift with our Heavenly Father.

The Word of God reminds us in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” There is one who is out to destroy and kill.

Today, we too often see/hear the term father/dad so misrepresented and along with that, our Heavenly Father is so misrepresented and how it must hurt the heart of God to something He ordained to be so beautiful and sacred to be destroyed and misrepresented.

If I may just share a short excerpt from my own journey and life. If 5 years ago and prior I was asked, what is a dad? I would have stated it like this, “unloving, negligent, uncaring, harsh” You may question why I would specifically use those terms, but that’s what I knew, and that’s also how I perceived my Heavenly Father to be.

Because as the saying goes, “as you view your dad, so you will view God”. I found this to be so very true in my own life. But let me also say this, there is again, a Heavenly Father who delights in healing and restoring what is broken and torn. He is Truly, “Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our Healer”

You see, God created fathers and dads to be a direct representation of Him, the Heavenly Father. To show His heart for wives, families, churches, and the world, they are all watching and God knew that it would be that way.

Now if you will allow me, let me take this another step further. When Jesus was on the cross, where were His disciples, the ones closest to Jesus? We find that they all fled like cowards, leaving Jesus all alone. Jesus, however; did not waver, He stood faithful, depending on The Lord for strength.

When Jesus was beaten and hung on the cross, He also felt, what it feels like to be rejected by everyone in the world, including His own Father. “And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
‭‭Mark‬ ‭15:34‬ ‭

I believe what Jesus felt, that rejection from His Father, was for you and I. We all face rejection and it hurts so bad. Some of you have experienced tremendous rejection from your dads and I want to speak ever so gently to your hurting and wounded heart regarding it.

So if you will allow me to speak the word that the Lord is giving me, for you specifically that have been hurt by your dad. First of all, it was never ever the heart of God nor His intent that His Name or the ones He created to be His representatives, should be misrepresented.

Brothers and sisters, hear these words from Him, the Heavenly Father, Himself, “My son, my daughter, it is My heart that you would know the Love I want to offer to you, it is first Pure and Holy, without blemish. May you also know you can trust Me, Your Heavenly Father. I want to heal you and allow you to experience the Love of a Father, Your Heavenly Father, maybe even for the first time in your life. Now it may seem scary and hard, but I AM here to carry you and walk with you, ALL the way. I will not let go of you ever, you can Trust me. “For I AM the Lord, that Healeth Thee” ~Exodus 15:26

To the Fathers, may you stand strong in an hour where it is popular to be passive rather then prayerful and more stylish then surrendered. And may the Words of Jesus Himself encourage and empower you to be who He created you to be.

“Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭10:16‬ ‭

“Perfectly Safe”

Freedom, Healing, Journey, Love, Protection, redemption, Rest
“There is no fear in Love, but perfect Love casts out fear”. 1 John 4:18
“There is no fear in Love, but perfect Love casts out fear”.
1 John 4:18

A tiny baby girl, laying upon her daddy’s chest, the even rhythm of his breathing gently lulls her to sleep. His strong arms gently envelope her perfect little form, drawing her close to him. It is a picture of perfect safety.

Two years later, the same little girl plays happily with her toys, then mama calls “daddy’s home”. The toys are forgotten, as she runs for the door, awaiting the arrival of her daddy. He comes in the door, swoops her up, hugs her close to him, she lays her head on his shoulder, a huge smile on her face. All is right in her world as her hero, the protector in her life is home. She is perfectly safe.

Now she is five years old, she had been tucked into her bed for the night and she is drifting off to sleep. Suddenly she is startled awake by a loud noise, she is scared and bursts into tears and runs to her the living room where she knows her parents still are. She runs straight to her daddy and he holds her close in his strong arms and whispers in her ear, “it’s okay, I will keep you safe.” She is perfectly safe.

Ten more years pass, the little girl has now grown into a young woman. She had surrendered her life to the Lord a few years before but now senses the Lord is calling her to a deeper surrender as she sees and knows there is so much more. From experience she knows that her dad is a safe place, she confides in him knowing that he will care and have wisdom for her in this matter. He helps her understand that God is calling her and He, also is a safe place. And now she, too knows it to be that way, and she is perfectly safe.

Now we switch scenarios.

A newborn baby cries lustily, and all attempts from the mama to hush the crying little girl are in vain. The young mother herself is almost in tears, as her husband commands her that the baby must be silent, as the cry of the little one is getting on his nerves. A safe place is not being created.

The little lass is now two years old and happily playing with her toys, when she hears someone coming in the door. She listens intently, and hears her daddy coming, so she runs to hide to escape harsh words that are sure to come. A safe place has not been created.

Now she is 5 years old, there is a thunderstorm raging and the lightning flashes and the thunder cracks. She is scared and she wonders if perhaps this time her daddy would allow her to sit with him, she quietly walks over to his chair and gently touches his arm, it startles him which incites a frustrated response, and she promptly bursts into tears and flees from the room. She wanted to see if it was safe, but it was not.

The young lady has grown into a young woman, and her view of God is as she views her dad. Harsh and never a kind word to say unless it benefits himself. Everyone around her says God is a loving God and she thinks He probably is, but she cannot bring herself to believe it. She would never acknowledge it, but she has never felt safe in her life. Not even once.

The question of her heart is, “ why would I want to commit my life to someone who may cause more pain in my life and isn’t safe”. There was never a safe place created.

Sounds rather hopeless.

But God…

One day the young lady experiences Jesus in a very real way, in the deepest pain and wounds of her heart He, Jesus meets her. She allows herself to be vulnerable and real, walking through the pain. This time there is something different, she is not alone, and she recognizes it. Jesus is walking with her, holding her hand as she walks through the pain. He never leaves her side, and she comprehends that in all the days of her life, Jesus has been with her. He has seen every bit of pain that she has ever experienced, and it gives her courage to keep on walking forward even though it is difficult. A safe place is being created.

Then something else begins to happen. She is no longer an orphan, because she is perfectly safe as a daughter of the King with her Father. She is no longer fearful because she is perfectly safe and perfectly loved.

Brother and sister. Where ever you are in life, and with which ever scenario you identified with. May you know and rest in Jesus, He is the perfectly safe place. In Him there is healing, peace and safety. Run to Him!

As the Lord gives me the words, I will share more from my journey of orphan to adoption.