I wonder sometimes what it would be like if things would have been different, If life would have been more “normal” for me?
What would it be like to live without the effects of abuse for me as a person? What would it be like to not have stare complex trauma in the face on an almost daily basis? How would it be to not be triggered on a constant basis? What would life be like? What would I be like? How much different would I be?
Abuse does weird stuff to a person. It messes with the inner part of us. It shatters the heart. It destroys trust and it seems like you are staring death directly in the face. It’s a cruel thing.
These questions and thoughts run through my mind often. What if? Why? Why God? How could you allow such suffering? If you are a good God, why do you allow such awful things to happen to your children?
And so again I wrestle. And still I question.
But of one thing I am sure. In our suffering, God desires for us to give Him our heartache, our shame and our pain. He is present. During our suffering, in our suffering and while we heal. He, the God our Healer is present and for that I am Grateful ♥️
I wonder if in our suffering God draws closer, in fact so close that if we would we ask Him where He is, He would reveal He is holding us close to Him, weeping with us in our pain.
Still I am grateful that He is present, especially in our suffering. What an amazing God!
I have sat down numerous times in years past, intending to transcribe my thoughts on fathers and Father’s Day, as it is one that is very close to my heart and seems almost to sacred for me to share my heart on.
Why? Maybe it could be because, this will not be your normal Father’s Day post as you will, that you generally see at this season but it’s what the Lord is giving so I want to be faithful and share what He gives.
The term father, what does it mean? Protector, advocate, provider, leader, strong, courageous are a few that come to mind. These are mere words I know, but they describe our Heavenly Father so well. Along with words like omnipotent, amazing, loving, holy, understanding, and this list scarcely scratches the surface when it comes to describing our amazing God.
Truly we have a gift, a tremendous gift with our Heavenly Father.
The Word of God reminds us in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” There is one who is out to destroy and kill.
Today, we too often see/hear the term father/dad so misrepresented and along with that, our Heavenly Father is so misrepresented and how it must hurt the heart of God to something He ordained to be so beautiful and sacred to be destroyed and misrepresented.
If I may just share a short excerpt from my own journey and life. If 5 years ago and prior I was asked, what is a dad? I would have stated it like this, “unloving, negligent, uncaring, harsh” You may question why I would specifically use those terms, but that’s what I knew, and that’s also how I perceived my Heavenly Father to be.
Because as the saying goes, “as you view your dad, so you will view God”. I found this to be so very true in my own life. But let me also say this, there is again, a Heavenly Father who delights in healing and restoring what is broken and torn. He is Truly, “Jehovah Rapha, the Lord our Healer”
You see, God created fathers and dads to be a direct representation of Him, the Heavenly Father. To show His heart for wives, families, churches, and the world, they are all watching and God knew that it would be that way.
Now if you will allow me, let me take this another step further. When Jesus was on the cross, where were His disciples, the ones closest to Jesus? We find that they all fled like cowards, leaving Jesus all alone. Jesus, however; did not waver, He stood faithful, depending on The Lord for strength.
When Jesus was beaten and hung on the cross, He also felt, what it feels like to be rejected by everyone in the world, including His own Father. “And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Mark 15:34
I believe what Jesus felt, that rejection from His Father, was for you and I. We all face rejection and it hurts so bad. Some of you have experienced tremendous rejection from your dads and I want to speak ever so gently to your hurting and wounded heart regarding it.
So if you will allow me to speak the word that the Lord is giving me, for you specifically that have been hurt by your dad. First of all, it was never ever the heart of God nor His intent that His Name or the ones He created to be His representatives, should be misrepresented.
Brothers and sisters, hear these words from Him, the Heavenly Father, Himself, “My son, my daughter, it is My heart that you would know the Love I want to offer to you, it is first Pure and Holy, without blemish. May you also know you can trust Me, Your Heavenly Father. I want to heal you and allow you to experience the Love of a Father, Your Heavenly Father, maybe even for the first time in your life. Now it may seem scary and hard, but I AM here to carry you and walk with you, ALL the way. I will not let go of you ever, you can Trust me. “For I AM the Lord, that Healeth Thee” ~Exodus 15:26
To the Fathers, may you stand strong in an hour where it is popular to be passive rather then prayerful and more stylish then surrendered. And may the Words of Jesus Himself encourage and empower you to be who He created you to be.
“Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16
“There is no fear in Love, but perfect Love casts out fear”. 1 John 4:18
A tiny baby girl, laying upon her daddy’s chest, the even rhythm of his breathing gently lulls her to sleep. His strong arms gently envelope her perfect little form, drawing her close to him. It is a picture of perfect safety.
Two years later, the same little girl plays happily with her toys, then mama calls “daddy’s home”. The toys are forgotten, as she runs for the door, awaiting the arrival of her daddy. He comes in the door, swoops her up, hugs her close to him, she lays her head on his shoulder, a huge smile on her face. All is right in her world as her hero, the protector in her life is home. She is perfectly safe.
Now she is five years old, she had been tucked into her bed for the night and she is drifting off to sleep. Suddenly she is startled awake by a loud noise, she is scared and bursts into tears and runs to her the living room where she knows her parents still are. She runs straight to her daddy and he holds her close in his strong arms and whispers in her ear, “it’s okay, I will keep you safe.” She is perfectly safe.
Ten more years pass, the little girl has now grown into a young woman. She had surrendered her life to the Lord a few years before but now senses the Lord is calling her to a deeper surrender as she sees and knows there is so much more. From experience she knows that her dad is a safe place, she confides in him knowing that he will care and have wisdom for her in this matter. He helps her understand that God is calling her and He, also is a safe place. And now she, too knows it to be that way, and she is perfectly safe.
Now we switch scenarios.
A newborn baby cries lustily, and all attempts from the mama to hush the crying little girl are in vain. The young mother herself is almost in tears, as her husband commands her that the baby must be silent, as the cry of the little one is getting on his nerves. A safe place is not being created.
The little lass is now two years old and happily playing with her toys, when she hears someone coming in the door. She listens intently, and hears her daddy coming, so she runs to hide to escape harsh words that are sure to come. A safe place has not been created.
Now she is 5 years old, there is a thunderstorm raging and the lightning flashes and the thunder cracks. She is scared and she wonders if perhaps this time her daddy would allow her to sit with him, she quietly walks over to his chair and gently touches his arm, it startles him which incites a frustrated response, and she promptly bursts into tears and flees from the room. She wanted to see if it was safe, but it was not.
The young lady has grown into a young woman, and her view of God is as she views her dad. Harsh and never a kind word to say unless it benefits himself. Everyone around her says God is a loving God and she thinks He probably is, but she cannot bring herself to believe it. She would never acknowledge it, but she has never felt safe in her life. Not even once.
The question of her heart is, “ why would I want to commit my life to someone who may cause more pain in my life and isn’t safe”. There was never a safe place created.
Sounds rather hopeless.
But God…
One day the young lady experiences Jesus in a very real way, in the deepest pain and wounds of her heart He, Jesus meets her. She allows herself to be vulnerable and real, walking through the pain. This time there is something different, she is not alone, and she recognizes it. Jesus is walking with her, holding her hand as she walks through the pain. He never leaves her side, and she comprehends that in all the days of her life, Jesus has been with her. He has seen every bit of pain that she has ever experienced, and it gives her courage to keep on walking forward even though it is difficult. A safe place is being created.
Then something else begins to happen. She is no longer an orphan, because she is perfectly safe as a daughter of the King with her Father. She is no longer fearful because she is perfectly safe and perfectly loved.
Brother and sister. Where ever you are in life, and with which ever scenario you identified with. May you know and rest in Jesus, He is the perfectly safe place. In Him there is healing, peace and safety. Run to Him!
As the Lord gives me the words, I will share more from my journey of orphan to adoption.
A well known story in the Bible, the woman with the issue of blood, and what an interesting name for a lady that was very much like us, she had issues. There was something very unique about her though, her issue was very noticeable, the blood. She was literally know as the women with the issue of blood and because of it, she was considered unclean. When she came in a crowd, people scattered, they did not want to be associated with an unclean person, let alone touch them.
“And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse.” ~Mark 5:25-26
I, was the woman with the issue, a heart issue, a heart that was still bleeding, a spirit that was wounded. No matter how put together I tried to pretend, inside my heart was still bleeding, my wounded spirit raw, hence the blood flowing heavily just as from a fresh wound.
My heart, no matter how wounded, torn or bleeding, it still wants to trust, it still wants to be cared for, it still wants to know that it can be healed and made whole, despite things, many things/relationships having been fractured for many years.
In all honesty, I just wanted things to be normal in my life, just like the woman with the issue of blood did, she didn’t want to be known by her issue, she just wanted healing and she went to desperate measures to get it. I, too, get desperate in my own carnal way and try to find healing/fulfillment, because I just want to not have to hurt.
It’s when The Father begins to speak, and especially speaks about your heart and the condition of it, and what He wants to do in bringing healing.
But are we willing?
When we are wounded our heart hurts constantly, the pain is overwhelming, we just want the pain to leave. Then we can help but be overwhelmed by the Love of our Father and how He speaks so gently and lovingly.
“My child, your heart has been wounded, it’s been crushed, it’s been hurt, and you have searched for much fulfillment and acceptance, from people and things, all to ease the hurt within , but I, the Father, who created you and loves you, “I am simply asking you to trust me with your heart!”
The wound hurts, the blood will flow, yet as Abba Father scoops out the infection/pain in the wound in His ever Loving and Tender way, things begin to shift, now the fragments can be knitted together and begin to heal, as Abba Father now applies His tender love as a soothing salve.
The question still is, ” Are we willing to allow Him, the Ultimate Healer to heal the wound?”
Pain is inevitable in life, it really is.
We all have issues, some we can hide better then others, but it is time we stop hiding behind our excuses and walk forward boldly like the warriors God created and called us to be!
God is and Always will be available to bring healing if we just allow Him to.
Overwhelmed. Panicky. Anxious. Those were just a few of the feelings that flooded me constantly in the new season I was entering into.
What was I to do? How do I step into this role? Could I really be a mother and a wife? And did God really know what He was calling me to?
We all have days and seasons where we face questions similar to those above. We really do.
It does not matter how perfect our little squares on social media look, we all have those days and seasons we don’t necessarily care to repeat.
Some days we get up and feel like we can conquer any and every thing that comes at us. We hear from God, we feel close, we feel heard, and we believe that God is ALL He says He is.
We also all have the days where it would be easier to stay in bed hidden under the cozy covers, then to face the overwhelming amount of hardness coming at us. It’s real brothers and sisters.
We try to pray, yet it feels like our prayers are just evaporating into space with no one to hear them, but ourselves, as we uttered them. We try to read the Bible but it feels dry as dust and we don’t feel encouraged.
My friend, you won’t always “feel” like doing the hard things, even though that usually is the right thing to do. But here’s where it gets really good though. Even if you don’t feel like it, do it anyway. In the dryness, perhaps God will speak, even if you don’t expect Him to.
It’s the constant being, that matters! Being a daughter, a son of the King. It’s a high calling. It won’t always “feel” like we think it should, but God, always, Always, ALWAYS. Sees us. Hears us. Cares for us. Loves us.
Those are absolutes. Feelings are real but they are not the truth. God’s word is Truth!
Laundry is common thing to every housewife and/or mama. Some days it may feel like a mundane task, because the laundry basket never seems to stay empty for very long at all. I mean, it just feels rather overwhelming at times.
But here’s the thing.
I love doing laundry.
I always have and probably always will.
What a joy to put smelly clothes into the washer and just an hour or so later, you have clean, fresh smelling laundry.
Ahh! So satisfying.
But here’s the kicker.
I don’t like folding laundry and putting it away.
I don’t like it sitting in the laundry basket either.
I enjoy the satisfying feeling of once it’s all done, as in folded and put away.
But folding and putting away, uhm meh😳🥴My general plan consists of just getting the laundry folded and put away as soon as it drys, that way it’s done and I can move on to other things. You know, fun things that I actually enjoy.
But God took me to a place far past the laundry basket being empty, far past being caught up with laundry, I mean it’s not like it’s a status thing to be caught up on laundry, yes it’s nice but there’s more important things.
Here’s where God took me and it challenged me. Would I rather have an overflowing laundry basket and my children’s hearts taken care of or an empty laundry basket and a child/children that feel unheard and misunderstood?
Oh Lord, give us grace, wisdom, courage and strength to keep our eyes focused on what’s important. You as a mama, are teaching and nurturing your children for all of life! And God’s Mercies are new every Morning!❤️
Maybe it’s the not the laundry basket for you, maybe it’s something else, but whatever it may be, just know it’s okay to not always have it perfect. You are human! God is the giver of much wisdom and grace! Ask Him and He will give it to you❤️
So imagine with me, that you are walking along a rugged mountain path that winds ever upward and there’s rocky rough terrain you encounter as you trudge along. Suddenly you’re startled by a noise and as you glance around to see where the noise is coming from, in your peripheral vision you catch a glimpse of a giant boulder rolling down the mountain and headed straight for you. There’s absolutely nothing you can do, no where you can go, basically you’re helpless as you watch the giant boulder rapidly heading your way directly.
Bam! It hits you. Knocks you down, flat on your back and rolls on top of you, knocking you unconscious. After some time you regain consciousness and try to gather your bearings of what just happened, basically you come to the conclusion that you’re helpless, there’s nothing you can do until someone comes to your aid.
What is your “Boulder on the Journey”? I ask this because we all have one. Maybe it’s:
Death of a loved one
Pain/Heartbreak
Financial issues
Broken Dreams
Confrontation
Difficult Relationships
Loneliness
The list could go on and on, but we are getting our minds spinning in the direction of what could be our “boulder on the journey”. We all have that thing, that conversation, that relationship and etc. that we dread, it weighs heavily on our minds and hearts constantly, it affects many parts of our very being.
It is reality that stares us straight in the face, we can’t run from it, no matter where we go, it’s right there, glaringly real. We grope, hesitating as we place yet one more foot forward as an act of faith. We don’t understand, we don’t have answers, yet what is before us, requires us, maybe even forces us in sheer desperation to move onward.
Pain, loss of a loved one, broken dreams, financial issues, difficult relationships and etc. they are all a real part of life. It’s hard to process through, and if we are not aware of the “Boulder” we tend to stay under it helpless for many many days, months and even years.
Brothers. Sisters. I know the pain is real, I know it’s so hard. It’s starting to feel like no one understands or even cares. But!
There’s Hope! There’s a cross that held our beloved Jesus, so many years ago. Blood splattered and stricken was He, not an easy scene to think about, but He was wounded for our transgressions and by His wounds we are healed. This is not the end for you! In fact, it’s just the beginning of a new season, a new level of healing.
It may feel like no one cares, but your Heavenly Father cares. He loves you! He wants to heal you from the scars of the boulder, will you allow Him to?
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant” 1 Corinthians 13:4
With Today being Valentine’s Day, a day of celebrating love, we spend lots of money on flowers, cards and chocolate. And I will be the first to admit that, chocolate and flowers are some of my favorite gifts that have been given to me by my dear husband. It’s a joy to receive such a fun gift.
There’s three groups of people I would like to acknowledge in this particular post regarding Valentine’s Day.
To the lady or guy that is single or widowed and you feel like no one has noticed you or even said anything about celebrating today. Maybe some of you even joked that today would best be named, single awareness day, I have been there. In fact, I used to hate Valentine’s Day, I would be absent on social media that particular day, because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing yet one more sappy post. So yes, for some of you it’s a hard day, and it’s okay to admit that, in fact I would encourage you to admit that it’s a tough day for you. If you have lost your beloved spouse, I am sorry, my heart weeps for you. But I do want to encourage you and remind you, that you are Loved, you are important and you are cared for, first and most important, by your Heavenly Father who created you! You are Loved❤️ And I challenge you to embrace the Father in this journey you are on, May you rest knowing His grace is sufficient.
The second group of people that I want to speak to and encourage is, those of you who either didn’t get flowers, chocolate and etc. because you chose not to celebrate this Valentine’s Day, or maybe it was because financially you could not afford to buy anything extra or special. I want you to know, it’s okay! My encouragement is that you love your spouses me those around you unconditionally, and still let them know you love them and you are thankful for them. Speak words of blessing over them, that is such a gift all in itself! And when you see the sappy posts and bouquets of flowers in social media, enjoy the Beauty of them, but please don’t allow jealousy and bitterness to take root in your heart, because you don’t have any flowers! And may you also know you are Loved by your Heavenly Father, rest in that, He is Enough!
And lastly, to all the spouses and fiancés that are celebrating and did receive gifts, flowers and etc. Enjoy them, take all the pictures you want! It’s okay to do that! But also remember, the flowers will wilt, the chocolate will be ate, the most important thing is that you love each other and tell each other that! Don’t even stop that! God has brought you two together for a reason, seek Him and He will lead you. You are Loved by Him❤️
So what is Love to you? How do you show/portray love to a desperate world that longs to fulfill the God sized vacancy within them?
Frequently in today’s culture and society, love is something that feels good, sugarcoating what truth is, just like slapping a bandaid over on a wound and hoping it heals.
Just as we know that a wound will not heal if the proper care is not given, in the same way, we know at some point in every situation, truth must be spoken, and very likely feelings will be hurt and there may be someone offended by the truth.
Love is speaking the hard things, speaking truth in a society, during a time when truth is often swept under the rug and what we want to hear and what feels good to us is spoken instead.
Warrior friends, are we willing to still speak the truth, knowing it may cost us some heartaches and trials? Will you stand the test and still stand for truth? Will you love your spouse even in the hardest of times?
Just remember you are Loved by One who Died for you on the Cross.
Fall has arrived with its cool crisp air, I gladly welcome it, rejoicing greatly at its arrival, because it’s my favorite season. Summer with its warm breezes and sunshine is but a faint memory in our minds and it truly is a change of seasons. The trees are in a season of letting go of what they have been growing. The leaves are ever so pretty but it will only be a matter of time before they decorate the yard in a color array and then the brisk autumn wind will whisk them away to any nook and crevice that will hold them for a short time.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
The change of seasons and all that comes with it, has me pondering and meditating on the season of life I am in, one that only the Lord can orchestrate and enable me to walk forth in boldness, depending on Him daily, moment by moment for Grace, Strength and Wisdom, which is He so faithful to give in abundance, if only we ask!
In this season of life, in this amazing journey that the Father has me on, as a new bride and mama, I am many times, in fact daily, often moment by moment, made aware of my constant need of the Father, to stop and listen for His sweet gentle voice. If I even dare try on my own strength, I am soon left depleted and weary. I need to understand that on my own I am nothing, I CAN NOT do it!
I am very much the type that likes to know what will be happening, I want to be fully prepared for what I will face, I want to know that I have what it takes, equipped and ready to stand strong and tall. I don’t want to admit defeat. I don’t want to fail. I want to do the right thing every single time, have the correct answer in the proper tone of voice for every situation.
So just as the trees are needing to let go of what they have known for the past 6 plus months, the leaves that have made them beautiful to behold, each tree must give up the right to hold on to each single leaf that grew forth from its strong and lofty branches. No tree is exempt, from the tall, stately trees to the smallest ones, they all must let go!
I, too must let go, I must let go of wanting to get it right every single time, the need for perfection, the need for knowing what I will face each day. I must let go of hanging on to what I want and what feels comfortable and familiar to me. I must surrender.
“Let go and let God”
The truth is, on my own I will never be able to do that, but there is a God in heaven who enables and equips us with strength and grace for every moment of each day of the journey. He is faithful to give exactly what we need!
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ~II Corinthians 12:9
The stark nakedness of the trees at the end of the fall season, is a fresh reminder that in seasons of life, we too, will be stripped of what we like, what we hide behind, thinking it makes us look good, when in reality the Lord wants us to let go and allow Him to make something even better and far more beautiful out of our brokenness. So let us learn from the trees, to let go and let God.
So whether you are in a spring, summer, fall or winter season of life, may you find sweet rest in the Father, knowing that He will equip you for every part of the journey.
''The journey of orphan to adoption" 