Tag Archives: Healing

Hem of His Garment

Journey,

I wonder what it felt like that day for the woman with the issue of blood, after 12 long years, having spent all her money and still she was not healed?

Did she almost stay home that day or had she heard about Jesus healing the sick?

How much courage did it take to touch the hem of Jesus’ Garment?

 And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone. She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased.  And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”           ~Luke 8:43-49

Today this passage of scripture struck my heart and spirit in a different way then ever before as I listened to the song ‘Hem of His Garment’

I was the woman with the infirmity of an issue of blood. Thankfully it was not a physical wound of me losing blood, but my heart was wounded, I was hurt. My spirit was wounded. I carried the scars of horrible things that were done to me. Scars of rape that left my heart and spirit reeling from the pain for 20 years, abuse that makes me cringe to think of how I could have possibly survived the effects of it.

For years I was silent, believing I was the one who caused the pain, it’s crazy how the enemy and culture will do that to a person. Then one day I spoke, I remember it clearly as I said “Abused”. Something about that word, made me shiver to the very core. It was as if I was speaking of my identity and speaking that very word was opening the door to a thousand truckloads of wounds.

I identified as abused, worthless, wretched, etc. The astonishing thing is that I didn’t even know I identified that way and I was suffering from it.

How many of us are carrying infirmities/hardships that may not be as evident as this woman with the issue of blood, but they are very real to us as a person?

What is it about the infirmity/hardship that we carry that we wish to keep silent? Is it the shame we know is sure to be heaped on us by the first judgmental person that comes along.  Is it the fear of what people will think of us if they know what has happened? Perhaps we know once start, things will just keep coming that we need healing from.

I am thinking the woman with the issue of blood dealt with the same thoughts in her heart and mind

I get it. I dealt with all of these and hundreds more. It’s a battle of the mind and a heart that was wounded. It’s a hard place to be.

I am thinking the woman with the issue of blood dealt with the same thoughts in her heart and mind. She was wounded. She couldn’t get away from it, her infirmity very evident. I am certain people talked about her, saying all sorts of horrible things about her. And I am guessing that fear kept her away from people quite often. She likely had a very lonely, sad and painful life.

But Jesus!

He did NOT turn her away! In fact, that one touch of His garment healed her completely! That took incredible faith to touch His garment.

And then my favorite part!

Jesus spoke to her!

 “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”     

What does Jesus want to speak to you? What does He want to say to you personally?

Would you dare to draw close to Him?

Did you know that EVERY SINGLE hard thing that you as a person have gone through, Jesus was there! He was! If you can’t see Him, because often the painful circumstance has all our focus, ask Jesus to show you where He was during that painful circumstance!

Jesus, I thank you! You are always faithful and true.

Choose Jesus,

~Vinny

     

It’s Been 10 years..

Journey, , , ,

It has been 10 years and I will always remember that day. The morning when I stepped out the door. It was like stepping across the threshold to a life I had never expected to be a part of. It was the day I took a step, in desperation to find something I knew to be there but having no idea what it was or how I would find it. Think of it as, going on a journey with no map or directions.

It was the day I had spent close to a year preparing for. The day I would leave the Amish.

In the early morning stillness, I packed the last of my belongings in a trash bag, slung it over my shoulder, took one last look around the room, took a very deep breath and stepped out the door. I was no longer the Amish girl, that everyone knew. I was about to embark on the craziest of journeys that I had ever been on. I was leaving and I was not going to look back, nor would I go back.

I remember. The desperation. The anxiety. The questions. I was so desperate. If this didn’t work, I was done. It was going to be over. I won’t ever forget that desperation. The lumps in my throat. The “what ifs” that constantly plagued me. The constant questioning if this would even work. What would I do, if it did not work?

I didn’t have a backup plan that was a good one even if I did not recognize that fact at the time. I was just desperate to find what I thought to be there, but how would I find it? And where would I go?

I will not ever forget the loneliness that ensued me after that eventful day. The rejection. The difficulties. The fear of the unknown. The mountain of questions. The endless pain in my heart. The condemnation that plagued me constantly.

It was a scary time. it was a difficult journey. What kept me going was, my vow to myself “I will not fail at this.” I did not know how to pray; I just knew there was a God in heaven, and He surely would help me. I believed He would.

He did help me. He sustained me. He upheld me with His righteous Hand. He protected me. He is the reason I am still alive today to proclaim of His goodness and faithfulness!

I remember that cardboard box that served as a nightstand beside the worn-out mattress I called my bed. I remember going to bed and wondering if I would get any where in life, yet I was determined to not give up.

I remember wondering if I would ever belong anywhere. Would there ever be peace in my heart to replace the anxiety that was deeply rooted there? Would I ever really be glad for the step I took? Was it worth it to sacrifice so much to pursue something I knew to be there, but had no idea how to attain?

It has been 10 years. I, myself, can hardly fathom it has been that long, but I look back over the years and the Faithfulness of My Heavenly Father is etched and woven through every tiny detail of the journey.

What I was looking for, God has allowed me to experience. It was the joy and freedom I saw present in others, but seriously doubted it could ever be present in my own life.

This is not a “follow your heart” claim. Our hearts are dreadfully wicked without the Lord cleansing us, purifying us and making us whole. But it is a humble prayer of “Lord, I can’t but I know You can, please help me and lead me, I surrender to You”

I learned so many things.

I learned that God can be trusted. He is just as Good as His word says He is! He will always help us the Way He knows we need help, not just how we want Him to help us. He is faithful. He is kind. He is just. He is loving. He will heal the pain and hurt in our hearts.

He is the author of every testimony. He is the best writer and orchestrator of our lives. He will not fail. He is faithful. He is always good!

And remember. “The Only Big, is God”