In my teenage years, someone asked me what my greatest fear was in life, to which I answered in a trembling voice, “I fear that I am unlovable, therefore I fear no one loves me”
At that point in my life I was so desperate to be loved, yet because of the deep wounds in my heart and life, I was unknowingly pushing anyone away that tried to love on me. It was my security, to make sure people were safe before I allowed them to get too close or I allowed myself to let them see a glimpse of who I really was.
I didn’t spend my childhood in a culture that was centered on love, instead any thing regarding the subject of love was scorned, the very word love was constantly mocked. In fact it was regarded as a sign of being weak, the need to be loved, something that only the holier than thou people did.
I didn’t know that the daily yearning for love that I felt in my heart, was simply something that is a part of every human being. I thought there must be something wrong with me, because everyone else didn’t seem to struggle like I did. I just wanted to hear from those close to me, that I was loved.
My continuous search and need for love seemed to always be getting in my way, it always seemed to step in at the wrong time, but now actually I see now where God was intervening and protecting me. He such a good good Father like that❤️
The God size ache in my heart seemed to grow on the daily. It drove me to some crazy extremes, and I was running myself ragged in my constant pursuit of just wanting to be loved.
The Lord doesn’t leave his children as orphans, No He does Not! He works in His wondrous ways, often through His children, allowing them to be His hands and feet to the hurting, the lost, and the ones who just need to be loved.
I will never forget the day, or the days when I began to get a glimpse of God’s love for me, and that all this time my small feeble version of what love should look like wasn’t love at all. The Lord wrecked my feeble view of what I thought love looks like and overwhelmed me with His gracious Love. Experiencing it is absolutely amazing, and He is so kind and gracious.
To sum up all of the above, if someone you know is in need of love. Just know that God may be asking you to be His hands and feet and to show love to them. Don’t be offended if they push you away the first 20 times, just remember Love never fails even after the umpteenth or the hundredth time.
“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13