Tag Archives: Thankful

“What I didn’t know”

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They say, “you don’t know what you don’t know”. I can testify to that being
true but also that “once you do know you cannot easily unknow” to be very true
indeed as well.

In this journey of healing, I am learning I am a survivor of various forms of abuse. 

Did I just say that?

Yes, indeed I did because for me it is true even if I wish it were not. I cringe sometimes saying “a survivor of abuse” but it all because of JESUS that I am a survivor. He is the ONE who gave me life!

I have learned a lot in my healing journey.

There are specific things that I had no idea would be a part of the journey.
I, however, do know now, as each one made an entrance so boldly, that it is
indeed etched in my memory and not quick to be forgotten.  

This list is not an all-inclusive list but merely what I do now know.

I did not know that a scent or sound can instantly transport me back to a
place that my brain doesn’t want to go because it’s an unprocessed memory aka
trauma. It happens in the most unlikely of places and in the most inopportune
of times, like grocery stores, crowds, and the list goes on. And friends, we
call that a trigger moment and I, for one, do not go around looking for those.
I remember one time going into a therapy/ counseling session and it had been a particularly
rough week and I wearily bemoaned to my counselor how I was so tired of trigger
moments, she graciously instructed me to think of it as a highlight of a place
that needs healing.  I still dislike trigger moments but my mindset shifted regarding them.

I didn’t know that there was a name for the intense tug of war game going on
inside my head and brain, especially after a trigger moment. It greatly
resembled a fierce game of seeing who can yell the loudest. You know, squeaky
wheel gets the oil type of thing, I now know it to be internal conflict and it
is a very real thing. What a relief to know I was not as crazy as I thought,
this is “normal trauma processing” in a fight/fright/freeze mode, which happens during
a trigger moment.

I did not know body memory was a thing, just thought I must be imagining
things. The truth is body memory is very real, and your body truly does remember,
and it will not lie to you. Cognitive memory is one thing, but body memory is
truly remarkable. To have your body ache with pain and not have any clue why is
truly a unique feeling and one I do not wish on anyone. 

I did not know that the Healing journey was such an emotional roller coaster.
It is so exhausting, and you can be fine one minute and the next you may not
be. But one thing is for sure, Jesus can and does walk with you each step,
giving grace and strength to your weary mind and body.

I did not know that something that was distorted and misconstrued could be wholly
redeemed. That’s the GOD we serve! To watch HIM gather up broken pieces and
heal right before my very eyes, is the most amazing thing. What a Gracious God
we serve! He is our Healer and our Provider!    

I did not know that safety played such a major role in the healing journey.
Truly, it was a life changing moment for me, the very first time I felt 100%
Safe! It happened just a few years ago and I will never forget that moment. To feel
and be safe all in one moment was so overwhelmingly powerful and healing for my
body, soul and spirit.

Like I mentioned earlier, this list could go on and on, but I hope this can
shed some light on the journey. Be gracious and kind to yourself if you find
yourself on a healing journey.

To be whole is to be more like Jesus!

Walk with Him, 

They say, “you don’t know what you don’t know”. I can testify to that being true but also that “once you do know you cannot easily unknow” to be very true indeed as well.

In this journey of healing from multiple forms of abuse.

Did I just say that?

Yes, indeed I did.

Does it make you a little uncomfortable?  It is okay if it does, the reality is a harsh one, and the effects are too numerous for words currently.

I have learned a lot in my healing journey.

There are specific things that I had no idea would be a part of the journey. I, however, do know now, as each one made an entrance so boldly, that it is indeed etched in my memory and not quick to be forgotten.  

This list is not an all-inclusive list but merely what I do now know.

I did not know that a scent or sound can instantly transport me back to a place that my brain doesn’t want to go because it’s an unprocessed memory aka trauma. It happens in the most unlikely of places and in the most inopportune of times, like grocery stores, crowds, and the list goes on. And friends, we call that a trigger moment and I, for one, do not go around looking for those. I remember one time going into a therapy/ counseling session and it had been a particularly rough week and I wearily bemoaned to my counselor how I was so tired of trigger moments, she graciously instructed me to think of it as a highlight of a place that needs healing.  I still dislike trigger moments but my mindset shifted regarding them.

I didn’t know that there was a name for the intense tug of war game going on inside my head and brain, especially after a trigger moment. It greatly resembled a fierce game of seeing who can yell the loudest. You know squeaky wheel gets the oil type of thing, I now know it to be internal conflict and it is a very real thing. What a relief to know I was not as crazy as I thought, this is “normal processing” in a fight/fright/freeze mode, which happens during a trigger moment.

I did not know body memory was a thing, just thought I must be imagining things. Turns out body memory is very real, and your body truly does remember, and it will not lie to you. Cognitive memory is one thing, but body memory is truly remarkable. To have your body ache with pain and not have any clue why is truly a unique feeling and one I do not wish on anyone.

I did not know that the Healing journey was such an emotional roller coaster. It is so exhausting, and you can be fine one minute and the next you may not be. But one thing is for sure, Jesus can and does walk with you each step, giving grace and strength to your weary mind and body.

I did not know that something that was distorted and misconstrued could be wholly redeemed. That’s the GOD we serve! To watch HIM gather up broken pieces and heal right before my very eyes, is the most amazing thing. What a Gracious God we serve! He is our Healer and our Provider!    

I did not know that safety played such a major role in the healing journey. Truly, it was a life changing moment for me, the very first time I felt 100% Safe! It happened just a few years ago and I will never forget that moment. To feel and be safe all in one moment was so overwhelmingly powerful and healing for my body, soul and spirit.

Like I mentioned earlier, this list could go on and on, but I hope this can shed some light on the journey. Be gracious and kind to yourself if you find yourself on a healing journey.

To be whole is to be more like Jesus!

Walk with Him,

V

A Note on Trauma

Healing, Journey, , , , , , , ,
What is Trauma?

I have been a part of multiple conversations in the recent past that have been stark reminders of lack of awareness of how the things of life may affect any individual in any given circumstance.

To sum up the conversations, would be to say there are:

* Multiple views on trauma.

* Numerous opinions on what trauma is.

* Countless arguments why trauma exists or why it does Not exist.

Do you get the point?

There are countless explanations why people say that it exists or doesn’t, not to mention the thought that trauma is merely an excuse to stay in our pain.

Ouch!

That last one stings deeply for some of us and perhaps more mildly for others.

Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum of what trauma is and why it exists. Would you just hear me out on what I think is one of the best explanations of the T word, I have heard to date through my own personal journey of healing?

I don’t believe this to be new information for some of you and for those of you that it is new, may it begin to spark awareness to the effects of and then also the process of healing.

Trauma is when an event takes place in an individual’s life that is so overwhelming that the individual feels alone and overwhelmed with emotion and believes he doesn’t have the resources to handle what is taking place.

Now. Let me note this.

This tends to be more prevalent in young children, but adults are not exempt.

Yes. That’s it.

That’s how trauma happens/can happen.

And.

It. Is. Very. Real.

And hard.

And agonizing

And very wearing.

But. Then there’s healing.

Yes. Healing.

Which is allowing someone to sit with you to undo the aloneness so you can heal.

That also.

Is very real.

Very difficult

Extremely agonizing.

But also healing and freeing.

There are days I wish I could say I don’t know much of anything about it but I can Not be silent with what I do know.

Why is that you may ask?

In my own journey the silence only hurt me further, in fact silence only enabled people to continue causing tremendous levels of pain. Silence too can be traumatizing.

Yes. It’s true. Silence is seldom golden.

I do recognize there’s a time to be silent, the Bible even says so, but may we always be in alignment with the Lord on what we are silent about.

May I encourage you to educate yourself if you, yourself are on a journey to heal from trauma or if you find yourself in a place of being a support person a friend on their journey of healing.

Awareness/education and allowing the Lord to lead you, is absolute key, in walking with someone even if it’s vast unfamiliar territory to you.

You can’t heal anyone. Only God can do that! But He can and does use His children to be vessels if we are willing.

Once we have been the recipient of a grace that meets our vulnerability, we want to show the same kind of grace to others. This is what empathy does, it extends grace to others in order to create authentic connection. ~Hinman & Warner

Until the next inspiration.

~V

{When the Basket is Full}

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Laundry is common thing to every housewife and/or mama. Some days it may feel like a mundane task, because the laundry basket never seems to stay empty for very long at all. I mean, it just feels rather overwhelming at times.

But here’s the thing.

I love doing laundry.

I always have and probably always will.

What a joy to put smelly clothes into the washer and just an hour or so later, you have clean, fresh smelling laundry.

Ahh! So satisfying.

But here’s the kicker.

I don’t like folding laundry and putting it away.

I don’t like it sitting in the laundry basket either.

I enjoy the satisfying feeling of once it’s all done, as in folded and put away.

But folding and putting away, uhm meh😳🥴My general plan consists of just getting the laundry folded and put away as soon as it drys, that way it’s done and I can move on to other things. You know, fun things that I actually enjoy.

But God took me to a place far past the laundry basket being empty, far past being caught up with laundry, I mean it’s not like it’s a status thing to be caught up on laundry, yes it’s nice but there’s more important things.

Here’s where God took me and it challenged me. Would I rather have an overflowing laundry basket and my children’s hearts taken care of or an empty laundry basket and a child/children that feel unheard and misunderstood?

Oh Lord, give us grace, wisdom, courage and strength to keep our eyes focused on what’s important. You as a mama, are teaching and nurturing your children for all of life! And God’s Mercies are new every Morning!❤️

Maybe it’s the not the laundry basket for you, maybe it’s something else, but whatever it may be, just know it’s okay to not always have it perfect. You are human! God is the giver of much wisdom and grace! Ask Him and He will give it to you❤️

“You are Loved”

Calling, Contentment;, Freedom, Healing, Journey, Love, Protection, redemption, Safety,
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4‬ ‭

With Today being Valentine’s Day, a day of celebrating love, we spend lots of money on flowers, cards and chocolate. And I will be the first to admit that, chocolate and flowers are some of my favorite gifts that have been given to me by my dear husband. It’s a joy to receive such a fun gift.

There’s three groups of people I would like to acknowledge in this particular post regarding Valentine’s Day.

To the lady or guy that is single or widowed and you feel like no one has noticed you or even said anything about celebrating today. Maybe some of you even joked that today would best be named, single awareness day, I have been there. In fact, I used to hate Valentine’s Day, I would be absent on social media that particular day, because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing yet one more sappy post. So yes, for some of you it’s a hard day, and it’s okay to admit that, in fact I would encourage you to admit that it’s a tough day for you. If you have lost your beloved spouse, I am sorry, my heart weeps for you. But I do want to encourage you and remind you, that you are Loved, you are important and you are cared for, first and most important, by your Heavenly Father who created you! You are Loved❤️ And I challenge you to embrace the Father in this journey you are on, May you rest knowing His grace is sufficient.

The second group of people that I want to speak to and encourage is, those of you who either didn’t get flowers, chocolate and etc. because you chose not to celebrate this Valentine’s Day, or maybe it was because financially you could not afford to buy anything extra or special. I want you to know, it’s okay! My encouragement is that you love your spouses me those around you unconditionally, and still let them know you love them and you are thankful for them. Speak words of blessing over them, that is such a gift all in itself! And when you see the sappy posts and bouquets of flowers in social media, enjoy the Beauty of them, but please don’t allow jealousy and bitterness to take root in your heart, because you don’t have any flowers! And may you also know you are Loved by your Heavenly Father, rest in that, He is Enough!

And lastly, to all the spouses and fiancés that are celebrating and did receive gifts, flowers and etc. Enjoy them, take all the pictures you want! It’s okay to do that! But also remember, the flowers will wilt, the chocolate will be ate, the most important thing is that you love each other and tell each other that! Don’t even stop that! God has brought you two together for a reason, seek Him and He will lead you. You are Loved by Him❤️

So what is Love to you? How do you show/portray love to a desperate world that longs to fulfill the God sized vacancy within them?

Frequently in today’s culture and society, love is something that feels good, sugarcoating what truth is, just like slapping a bandaid over on a wound and hoping it heals.

Just as we know that a wound will not heal if the proper care is not given, in the same way, we know at some point in every situation, truth must be spoken, and very likely feelings will be hurt and there may be someone offended by the truth.

Love is speaking the hard things, speaking truth in a society, during a time when truth is often swept under the rug and what we want to hear and what feels good to us is spoken instead.

Warrior friends, are we willing to still speak the truth, knowing it may cost us some heartaches and trials? Will you stand the test and still stand for truth? Will you love your spouse even in the hardest of times?

Just remember you are Loved by One who Died for you on the Cross.

You are Loved❤️